Thursday, July 31, 2008

Clown Shoes University

Folks, the gamecocks continue to circle the drain. In a recent blog, I commented on Steve Spurrier's famous "free shoes university" jab at Florida State. It was funny at the time, but it's about time the HBC coined a nickname for his own program down in Columbia, SC. If I may, I have a suggestion: Clown Shoes University. That is precisely into what Spurrier is turning South Carolina. For the 3rd consecutive day, Spurrier's comments to the media have left him looking less like the rightfully arrogant, badass coach he once was, and more like Cookie on Bozo's day off. In today's The State paper, SOS gave a retraction(of sorts) to yesterday's accusations made against's Cris Ard. The following is an excerpt from that article:

“There was a bunch of newspaper articles sent to several recruits out of Clemson. The word we got, it came from that guy. That’s just the word we got. We thought that’s who it was,” Spurrier said when reached by phone.
“We certainly didn’t think any Clemson coaches would send that stuff. There was just a packet of articles came out of Clemson. That’s what we were led to believe. That’s why I mentioned it, and hopefully I won’t have to mention it again.”

I gotta ask, Steve, who are you sending out to investigate these claims? Based on the way this thing has blown up in your face, it wouldn't surprise me to find out it was Stephen Garcia. Whoever it is, get someone else on the case. It sickens me to keep opening up the paper to yet another legacy-tarnishing pity party. What has happened to you?! Get it together, man. You're the Ol' Ball Coach. You used to strike fear into everyone. Now you're about as intimidating as Greg Norman on Sunday. I hate having to write about this, because we all know you deserve better. You should have taken the Alabama job, and gone out a winner. But, borrowing a really smart quote that really smart, clever people like to use, it is what it is.

You made a mistake when you accused Mr. Ard of mailing useful information to your recruits. But at least you were man enough to scapegoat "the word we got." That's a step in the right direction. A better step might be telling your players to stop getting arrested on a regular basis, but they're South Carolina football players. It's what they do. You'd rather trumpet the fact that "a lot of them" got their charges dropped, than try and take preventative measures to keep them out of trouble. You'd rather complain about The State covering all their misdeeds, than punish the players committing the crimes. It's a sad state of affairs. Even so, it isn't all bad news, at least for us Clemson fans. We've watched this type of stuff go on since Lou took the helm, and frankly, we've enjoyed the dynamic it's created in the rivalry. So lace up your size 28s, Steve, it's gonna be a long year.

Before I sign off for the day, I'll leave y'all with one more SOS quote from today's article:

“We have so many guys, I think the last four have been arrested and all charges dropped,” Spurrier said. “I just wish if you’re going to arrest somebody, make sure the guy’s guilty.”

Sweet Irony.

Now for some of today's best MOAG....

On the whole Spurrier/packet/Ard saga:

- The master is at work - and I am enjoying it.

- SOS is just being SOS and is only beginning to get into their heads, much like he occupies 90% of all uga's skulls

- Clemsons fan and coaches have a LONG history of this kind of stuff

- This is actually quite funny. Watching these Taters unravel like this. I look forward to seeing the further meltdown. Sometimes supporting a losing position till it blows up in your face is not so wise.

*editor's note: I swear to god someone actually said that

- The "truth" is the ongoing negative recruiting by tatersuck coaches and fans, been going on for thirty years now. It's the only way those people can sell themselves, they have to trashed other schools to recruits to make themselves look better, that's the truth!!!!

- The more I read about this stuff the angrier I get. I hope Spurrier and the cocks run Bowden and that overrated tater team of his out of the state come Nov. I cannot wait.

- Are they so worried about our team that they have to resort to these tactics?

On the rivalry with Clemson:

- In the Spurrier Era Clemsux in the rivalry has scored 62 points USC 61....If you start from the year Clemsux started playing football to present the taters average .6 more wins per year than USC. OH The Superiority....See you fellas in November where we are 4-4 our last 8 visits.

- clempsuks Alltime Rec ver SEC .......27-146

*editor's note: Clemson alltime record v. south carolina is 64-36-4. Clemson's record v. the rest of the SEC is 44-116-5

- They are really going to be upset when we make it two in a row in Dead Valley this season with the worst beating we have given them in a really long time. Even more upset in a few years when we have run off 3 or 4 in a row overall.

- SOS don't back down. While at Fl he called FSU "Free Shoes University" when some players got a free illegal shopping trip to foot Locker. Any questions??

- I honestly don't think he(Spurrier) will lose many more games to clemson.

- More than half my family members are taters. I grew up next to taterville...hell no! poor it on 'em coach! let 'em have it. We've been passive for WAY too long. I let 'em have it even when we lose.

- We are .500 or 4-4 at Death Valley vs. you guys since we joined the SEC. I wouldn't be talking so much $hit if someone came in my house and beat my ass on such a regular basis like that. Certain SEC teams can claim to call us thier bitch but it's not you guys.

*editor's note: Clemson is 7-1 at south carolina since they joined the SEC, and Clemson has won 9 of the last 11. I'm just throwin it out there, since they beat our ass in Clemson on such a regular basis.

- may I ask, gives you the idea that we can't take the next 3 or 4, or something like that? Don't bring up past history, this is a new time. Ya'll are 2-1 against us in the last 3, all of which could have gone either way. As much as ya'll say how you could be 3-0 the last 3 yrs, we say the same thing, we easily could be 3-0 against ya'll.Go ahead and believe you have a lot more talent. The last few years suggest otherwise. !!!!!!!--->As much as ya'll might be better this year, so are we.<---!!!!!!!It was nice, a couple of years ago, after spending the entire day at that rat hole of a town, to come away with the win. Looking forward to the same this year, and please, don't act shocked when it happens.

*editor's note: South Carolina hasn't won 2 in a row in this series since 1969-70. And I added the exclamation points and arrows in this quote. I just didn't want anyone to miss that orgy of prose.

- What I hear are the sounds of a kitty, getting a little nervous that the HBC is turning the table in this rivalry.

- You call us your bitch? Your bitch is going to claim a winning record over you in your house this year since conference expansion.
Your bitch is 5-11 overall vs. you since the conferences expanded in 92 and that includes two years when our program had the longest losing streak in the country.
If there's any team that we play this year that should call us their bitch it should be Ole Miss. They are the only team on our schedule that we are winless against since joining the SEC.

*editor's note: Even I am at a loss for words on this one, folks. I'm just......I don't know. But he wasn't finished digging.

- 5-11 is bad but it's not "owning" a team. That pretty much means we beat you one out of every three years plus we can actually claim a winning record at DV this year since joining the conference. Sorry but that's not "ownage". Florida is 15-1 vs. USC since 92, that's ownage. Tennessee is 14-2 vs. USC, that's ownage. Auburn and Ole Miss are both 6-0 vs. USC since 92', that's ownage. We are actually a little competitive against you guys. You guys have the upperhand but you don't own us.

On team speed:

- Anyone else worried about Defensive speed? I feel that we are either going to be incredibly fast or too slow.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Widespread Panic

Folks, it's panic time. Another haymaker has been fired from Columbia, SC. They are becoming more frequent these days, but it isn't surprising to this blogger. This time, the center of the controversy is recruiting. We all know recruiting is a cut throat side of college football, a side most of us never get the opportunity to see first-hand. But we all got a front row seat for Columbia radio host, Kevin McCrary's melt down yesterday. McCrary decided to accuse the owner of a popular Clemson recruiting website of sending packets of information, containing the laundry list of recent criminal behavior that has occured within the S. Carolina football team, to an unknown number of recruits, for whom Clemson and South Carolina may be battling. The fact that these truth packets were sent is not in question. What is in question, is what information does Mr. McCrary have that led him to his accusatory rant. Sadly, it all comes back, again, to Coach Steve Spurrier.

Yesterday Coach Spurrier held a press conference, during which he announced he knew exactly who had sent out the truth packets. While he did not name any names, a clear inference can be drawn from the fact that a short time later, this particular website host was being slammed and defamed as the guilty party, all without the slightest disclosure of evidence. I'm not particularly concerned with Kevin McCrary's role in this saga. I am concerned with what led to such an irresponsible, and unprofessional, cry session on the air. As in most of these cases, it all comes back to the mind of a gamecock.

Anyone who follows recruiting knows that South Carolina is being handed its proverbial hat this year on the recruiting trail. They are barely beating out the likes of Buffalo and Akron for their players. They are getting beaten by the likes of Duke. And they are getting absolutely crushed by their in-state rival, as well as several other key SEC rivals. It's panic time. And why shouldn't it be? Coach Spurrier came here to save South Carolina football. To raise the bar to the likes of Georgia, Florida, LSU, and Tennessee. As most of us predicted, that hasn't happened. This fact, combined with a decades long inferiority complex, has led to genuine paranoia. They can't keep up with the big boys, so it has to be someone else's fault. It doesn't matter who. Just pick someone and blame him. A sense of impending doom will do that to a person, or group of people. This particular group of people is the South Carolina fanbase, and it's spreading like wildfire. Spurrier won't be around much longer, and they know if they don't win now, they likely won't have another chance for a long, long time. It doesn't help that Clemson's program, when compared to their own, is on the rise in every way imaginable. Media, local and national, is covering the Tigers in a way we haven't enjoyed for almost 2 decades. Recruiting is at an all time high. Our facilities are better. Our team is better. Our coaching staff is better. We've beaten them 9 of the last 11. It's panic time indeed, and the cocks are pulling out all the stops.

We don't know yet what will become of this latest fracas. We might not ever know. We likely won't ever know the identity of the person, or persons, responsible for sending out the truth packets to recruits. Honestly, it really doesn't matter. What we do know, is that those with the mind of a gamecock, from the lowliest Lexington resident to the HBC himself, are grasping at straws, desperately seeking someone to blame for their own ineptitude. One of their trusted own has even told them that the accused is not guilty of the charges. But it won't matter. They'll continue to repeat it until it just becomes accepted as fact. To all Clemson fans, I say just sit back and enjoy the finger pointing. Don't get riled up over these frivolous accusations. Let them waste their time and energy on it. Come November, we'll beat them again. They'll finish their season in the skids again. Come February, we'll sign a better recruiting class again. Come next July, we will be the target of more baseless, desperate mud-slinging again. The sun will rise and set. Gamecock players will get arrested in 5 Points. Coach Spurrier will complain to anyone who will listen, and continue the painful transformation into a caricature of himself. Life will go on. But most importantly, MOAG will go on.....and on.......and on. In my book, that is no reason to panic.

Now, to celebrate this latest dumpster fire, let's check out some of their thoughts on the issue:

- Frankly, over the years, I don't like anybody from Clemson as I believe they are all liars and cheats. Since the 70's, they have been either paying players, paying parents, using their county agricultural agents or doing things like this. They are the masters of deception and guile. I am sorry that they are in this state.

- its one of the clemson coaches

- i think it's ingenious, tiggers triple-douche, er deuce...get the investigators chasing packages around the southeast and they might not notice all the new cars...or stacks of $20's...or booster recruiting...

- who would you believe? A guy that writes for a website (Clemson website, whether its Tigernet, Tiger Illustrated, or the Scout site) or: A former Heisman trophy winner, Hall of Fame Football Coach; who's won a National Title? Hmmm, I think the latter has a "little" bit more credibility than some "journalist" of a fan's website.

- It is a fact they are being sent. Perhaps you Cheatas see what is coming and you are trying to stem the tide. History is clear you cannot get anything worth mentioning done without breaking the rules. When the going gets tough the cheatas start cheating. SOS is about to own you Cheatas.

- clempsCUm continues to prove/show that they are the Sewage of the Universe
when it comes to recruiting. Instigatated the "DEATH PENALTY' in 81' 7 they are just diein' to join SMU!!!!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Bonus Blog

I want to thank everyone for voting in my poll. By a pretty overwhelming margin, most people feel this site is not stupid at all. 1 was most stupid, 10 was least stupid. I hope everyone realized that when they were voting.

I will have a new poll up shortly.

The Head MOAG

Folks, I was going to blog about my thoughts on the ACC Coastal division today, but a certain gamecock fan has given me some better material to discuss today. Don't worry, I'll get to today's original topic some other time. Today I thought we could discuss a quote from the Ol' Ball Coach himself. Coach Spurrier is known for taking some pretty solid shots at his opponents. He coined the phrase, "You can't spell Citrus without UT." He called Florida State "free shoes university." When asked once if his Florida team would beat Georgia that year, he mockingly asked, "Is Ray Goff still the head coach there?" The man has never been short on words, and for the most part, he has backed it up. But 3 full years on Columbia, SC has begun to take its toll on Coach Spurrier. He hasn't enjoyed a winning record against any team South Carolina considers a rival. He's still taking his shots at other teams, but instead of landing with the force of a 1987 Mike Tyson uppercut, they feel like a guilt-ridden spanking from your grandmother. His latest attempt came yesterday. His target: Clemson.

“I wish one of the sportswriters, when they start picking everybody's record this year, would write how they'd do if Clemson played South Carolina's schedule and South Carolina played Clemson's schedule,” Spurrier says.

“They don't do that,” says Spurrier. “Clemson doesn't play Virginia Tech this season. Alabama. Alabama could be difficult. They don't play Georgia and Tennessee and Florida and LSU and those people we play.”

“But anyway, that's the way it is,” Spurrier says. “There's no big deal about it.”

No big deal about it, he says. Of course, that begs the obvious question, If there is no big deal about it, why mention it at all? His comments weren't goaded out of him by a reporter looking to stir up some guff. He simply made them, unprovoked, for no discernable reason at all. Well, folks, that's why I'm here. I'm going to tell you exactly why he made them. Earlier I said 3 years in Columbia has taken its toll on Coach Spurrier, and never has it been more evident than right now. Coach Spurrier has become one of them. MOAG is a powerful force, with its epicenter being Columbia, SC. The closer you get to the armpit of the state, the more it envelops you. Despite being a Hall of Fame coach, a proven winner, Spurrier is now officially a gamecock. He's making excuses before the season even starts. When he took the job at South Carolina, he made it a point to try and lessen the importance of the rivalry with Clemson. We all knew he full of it then, and the proof is in the pudding now.

Yes, Clemson does play an easier schedule than South Carolina. No rational person would dispute that fact. Then again, no confident person would spend a second worrying about another team's schedule. Yet everyday on gamecock message boards, all you see is people whining about Clemson's schedule, and bemoaning their own grueling slate of games. "If we didn't get so beat up each year we'd beat Clemson way more than they beat us." Blah, blah, blah. The last 2 national champions have come from the SEC. Those teams have played schedules at least as difficult as the gamecocks. The cold hard truth is, the schedules don't have nearly as much of an impact on the series record as gamecocks fans want to believe. It's the players that matter. Clemson simply has better players. They always have, and they always will.

Coach Spurrier can complain to the media all he wants about unfair schedules and, ironically, unfair media coverage. This wasn't the first time he's done it, and it certainly won't be the last. I'm sure he'll have plenty more to say after his South Carolina program falls to 1-3 against Clemson this November. When that happens, gamecocks fans, remember this quote from Spurrier. You have no call to be frustrated with him, for he is truly one of you now. Coach Spurrier has the Mind of a Gamecock.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Weekend Questions Answered

Thanks for allowing me a weekend off, loyal readers. Blogging is hard work, but it's a passion of mine. I'm dedicated to making this the best blog about stupid South Carolina fans in the world. Thanks for submitting your questions. Here are the answers

1. Hello. Can you please give me a rundown on the Wofford Terriers season and your predictions for the rest of the SoCon? Thank you. - john cocktosten
I think the Terriers are probably the 3rd best team in the state, behind Clemson and Furman. Unfortunately, when dealing with the SoCon, it's pretty much App St or bust.

2. Hey man-Whats yer favorite no doubt song?
How about the Human League?
Who is better: Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose or Hamilton Joe Franklin?
In 1984, in a street fight, who would win between Ralph Macchio and William Zabka?
Also, do you think that Macchio and Zabka were friends in real life?
1980 Bulldogs or 81 Tigers?
Sparky Woods or Brad Scott?
In the movie Highlander, what do you envision as the "Prize?"
I have heard that the 80's band "Europe" once got some kid so pumped that he ran through a glass door. Is there any validity to this story-or is it just another urban legend?Thanks and Goodnight. - cock. cock. cock. cock!

No Doubt - Hollaback Girl
Human League - Don't You Want Me Baby
On your next question, I need clarification. Did you mean Hamilton, Joe, Frank, and Reynolds?
Bill Zabka, and they are real life friends. Best friends.
1980 Bulldogs
I've never seen Highlander.
The story about the boy is true. He's me.

3. Why are you such a piece of $h@t? - cockadoodlejew
I'm not. You probably just feel that way b/c you're a gamecock fan and you have trouble dealing with reality.

4. Why the hell are there so many Clemson fans living in Virginia, and why are they all a pack of retards who no nothing about football? - anonymous
I'm not sure of the answer to your first question. But most Clemson fans I KNOW, KNOW plenty about football. In fact, they KNOW so much, if they KNEW anymore, they'd KNOW more than it was even possible to KNOW, ya KNOW.

5. If the moon was made of cheese would you eat it?
What about pork ribs?
What is your opinion on the broke back comments Bowden made on Kyle Parker in his baseball uniform?
Why is Tommy gay?
Why does he choose to pick his nose during gametime when the camera is on his ugly mug?
Why does he say some of the dumbest things imaginable? - anonymous

No on your first moon question. Yes to your second moon question.
Coach Bowden's comments about Kyle Parker were a little bit strange, although I'm sure they were completely innocuous. My guess is that someone asked him a question he didn't really feel like answering, so he said something that drew attention away from the fact that he wasn't answering the question. It's a fairly common practice in the coaching world. I don't think Coach Bowden is gay. Everyone picks their nose, he just happens to have a camera on him every Saturday for a few hours. If any one of us were in the same situation, we'd probably get caught digging. Coach Bowden does say some things that really make me scratch my head, but gamecock fans, as evidenced by the blog, have set the dumb bar pretty low. Taking that into account, I've never heard Coach Bowden say anything dumb.

6. What is your opinion on the economy struggle of Thailand and how can they fix the damn surplus mangament of the big corporations over there?
Why does McDonald's suck so bad?
Did the Taco Bell dog succumb to AIDS? - anonymous

Like all the world's problems, Thailand's economic swoon is George W. Bush's fault. Their dependency on the strength of the American dollar has been tenuous, at best, for quite a while now. The talking heads keep telling us that we aren't in a recession, but tell that to Thai Joe Sixpack. Unless they can find a relatively quick, cost effective solution to weather our storm, they may see their worst downturn since 2002. It isn't all bad news though. As you know, Thalaind is the second largest economy in Southeast Asia. Ironically, those who claimed ousted Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra's populist policies were fiscally irresponsible are now reaping what they sowed. In the interest of brevity, I won't go into detail on which specific policies might be the most beneficial to the Thai economy. If you're interested in learning more, I would suggest reading a brilliant article in last month's The Economist.

McDonald's has gone the way of Hardee's in the last few years. It's only good for breakfast now. My theory is that we're older and we realize the food is just processed crap. Except for the McRib. I'll always return for the McRib.

I don't know what became of the Taco Bell dog. I did have a taco a few weeks ago that tasted funny and made me very sick. I'll let you bring that thought to a logical conclusion.

7. Wow. Judging by all questions shot at you, I'll have to say that your blog is doing quite well and is very successful. And by all that I mean it's a complete joke and nobody is taking this thing seriously.Good efforts, but one thing you fail to realize is after a few blog entries people lose interest. Now all you have is a bunch of random people typing random crap and asking you funny questions that have NOTHING to do with anything. Sorry, it's a joke now and hardly anyone pays attention to it. Thanks for playing.Maybe a Gamecock fan can make Mind of a Clemson fan.Safe to say there'd be a lot more quotes because Clemson fans say a hell of a lot more stupid shit than USC fans, believe it or not. I would know, I love with too damn many of them. You act as though you're shocked at the number of dumb quotes on FGF. You haven't heard anything yet. - anonymous

This isn't really a question, but I wanted to address it anyway. Judging by the number of hits my blog has gotten since Friday, I'd say your assertion is indeed MOAGish. I think that you'll find this blog is about to take off and become wildly successful. I'm sorry to hear that you love with so many Clemson fans, whatever that means. I never acted as if I was shocked at the number of dumb quotes by Carolina fans. I acted as if the wealth of dumb quotes was too good to not share with the world. Once the season starts up, the football analysis will pick up, and it'll make you really mad how right I am about everything. Please continue reading, for your own good.

8. I was just wondering what it would actually take in order for the cocks to get their heads out of each other's asses. Do they not know that they are the laughing stock of college football? Spurrier will not be able to win there. Once he leaves, their program will be undone (not that it's in the best shape now). I hope your dog gets better. - anonymous

To answer your first question, anonymous, it would take an act of God the likes of which this world has never seen, at least since Creation. They do not know they are the laughing stock of college football. They likely never will.

Thanks for the well wishes for my dog. She is doing much better. She had stepped on a piece of sharp metal, and it had gotten lodged in the padding of her front, right paw.

Folks, that's it on this week's Q&A. Thanks for all of the questions. I had to delete a few of them. I'm sorry for that. I try not to delete anything, but a few of them just weren't meant for public viewing. To make up for it, here are some really dumb things said by gamecock fans, coming up in just a few minutes.

On Clemson:

- Clemson does not matter. Why do Carolina fans just not get that?!

- Beating a A-SHE-SHE team gets us no credit at all!!!! Who cares about those rednecks??? The entire nation takes note when we defeat one of our fellow SEC teams. A win over an SEC brother will give us more respect than a win over a bad cow team.Leave the A-SHE-SHE teams for people like KKKLIMPSON and DOOK to beat!!!GO COCKS!GO SEC!

On if UGA tried celebrating on their field like they did against Florida last year:

- can't celebrate if you don't score

- They hate us. They hate us in a big, big way (they even fear this game).

- I EXPECT us to beat uga too. Anything less is a big, big disappointment to me. A loss for us at the WB this year would be inexplicable and that's going to be a moot point soon enough because we all know the COCKS! are a much, much better team this year than the same team that won in Assens last year. COCKS! by 10 in the WB.

On Urban Meyer's lofty opinion of Tim Tebow:

- Meyer will be eating those words when Hawaii whips them just like June Jones

On The State newspaper being "against them:"

- it is pathetic that a large news organization works against its cutomers the way the columbia print media does.

On staying classy:

- Proof that God hates Clemson.

- He's a whiner and a showboater on the diamond, but wouldn't wish that on even a CowTech person.

*these posts are in response to Clemson's baseball coach Jack Legget's house tragically burning down this weekend

On how badly they'll need to beat NC State to be satisfied:

- We need to win by 24 and score a minimum of 35.

- Beatsem by at least 24.Anything less will mean we're gonna suck.

- 1. Win by 17+ (35-14, 31-14, 28-10, 28-7, etc.)2. No turnovers3. Davis goes over 100 yards4. Defense gives up 14 points or less5. No blocked kicks6. Good return yards7. Hold NCSU to minimal return yards8. Defense creates/recovers at least 2 turnovers.

- 24-10 or better. Any score closer than that would be a disappointment IMO. NCSU is supposed to be a rebuilding ACC team this year, we should dominate them.

- 35-10 USC

- I expect a 35 to 7 or 35 to 6 performance from the Cocks. A lesser performance on either side of the ball will be dissapointing for me.

- A route...'bout time we start punishing the teams we can.

- a comfortable win that is never in doubt. 27-3 first half and final score of 41-10

- I want to see an SEC caliber team play to their potential over a very weak ACC team. We must dominate. The game should never be in question and by late 3rd quarter we're playing our 2 and 3-deep backups.If we win by one point over one of the worst teams in the ACC, I'll be very disappointed. How disappointed? Remember our "victory" over UNC last year? That kind of disappointed.41-10

A classic:

- This is the year we turn the corner, on paper it all adds up.

Some division predictions for '08:

- 1. UF 2. SC 3. UGA 4. UT 5. Vandy 6. UK

- SEC East will be decided by the Gamecock-Gator game

- 1. USC/UF winner (Best defence wins) 2. UF 3. UGA (Schedule is too hard, like USC last year) 4. UcheaT ( No Cutcliffe, No QB, NO Shot!) 5. UK (Back to normal) 6. VU (Ditto)

- 1. Florida 2. USC 3. UGA 4. TN 5. KY 6. VAN

- 1. Florida 2. South Carolina 3. Georgia 4. Tennessee 5. Kentucky 6. Vanderbilt

- 1. South Carolina (Only if QB comes through.)2. Florida (Lot of talent on offense, but secondary is suspect)3. Georgia (Schedule is too tough)4. Tennessee (New QB and new Coordinator)5. Vanderbilt (It's Vandy)6 Kentucky (Loss too much)

That's all for today folks. Tune in tomorrow when I break down the ACC Coastal Division....

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Big Week

Folks, I think it was a big first week for Mind of a Gamecock. I appreciate everyone reading and leaving their comments. The blog will be on hiatus this weekend for a little retooling. What I want you, my loyal readers, to do, is leave any questions you have about the upcoming season. I will answer each and every one of them in Monday's blog. Participate.

Thanks again for reading.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Thank You, Loyal Blog Readers

I want to take a moment to thank all of you, my loyal readers, for making this blog the single most succesful blog ever created. Please continue to read and leave comments. Please also spread the word to all your friends and enemies. Take a moment out of your day and wish my poor dog well, too, if you will. She has injured her foot, and we're all hoping for a speedy recovery.

Folks, the South Carolina gamecocks are not only one of the worst football programs to ever play the game, the entire athletic department is widely regarded as a travesty. A perversion. A mockery. A sham. This fact is bared out each and every year, season after season, game after game. Yet despite failure stacked upon failure, hope always springs eternal in the mind of a gamecock. There is always next year. This year was just a fluke. We were robbed. We choked. But we should have been better. And we will be. Next year. As everyone's best friend, Lee Corso, would say, not so fast my friend. After 100+ years of submediocrity, shouldn't "next year" have arrived by now? The answer is yes. But it hasn't. And I've got sad, hard news for you MOAGs. It isn't. Your hall of fame coach can't change that fact. Your previous hall of fame coach couldn't either. Go ahead and hire another hall of fame coach. He, nor anyone who follows him, can change this one simple fact: South Carolina sucks. In honor of this fact, here is some of the week's best gamecock dumb.

On things that matter:


- Cheerleaders - Someone please tell me they'll stop wearing
those hideous oversized hair bows! They aren't 6 years old anymore!

- The Band Needs to Play "I Love Beech(er) Music" After Each TD Pass

On Tim Tebow & Matt Stafford:

- all this man love for tebow makes me sick. ron loves tim, little kids love tim, sports commentatots love tim, women love tim, impoverished natives drinking unclean water love tim, the state of florida loves timi hope when we play florida that b52 knocks his head off, enough of this odd man love with tim tebow, he is not our friend or ally, he dismantled us once, lets dismantle him, quit day dreaming about his pecs or rugged good lookssometimes i think the entire nation is going gay can we just lay off the luv for this opponent?

- I think Matthew Stafford will go from top draft pick, to the guy who threw away their season this year.

On their own offense:

- I don't think an average of 31 points this year is unrealistic.

- I believe if SOS is got alot of confidence in Tommy Beecher than the fans should get behind Tommy Beecher to.

On Mark Richt:

- Richt not suspending Anderson & Sturdivant - don`t you love a hypocrite?
Richt portrays this saintly image then allows his players to disgrace college football in Jacksonville last year, will handle these 2 guys "in house." You can`t have it both ways. Fine - just don`t pretend to be something you`re not. He and Bowden must be related.

On the ACC Championship Game:

- ...pathetic a she she should hire clempsin to fill up the joint....they are experts in Bi-lo give-a-ways & two for ones with an x-tra large bag of frito po-tater-chips!!!

On believing anything:

- i heard on the radio that phil fulmer was served with a subpoena when he arrived in birmingham for SEC media days today. remember the bama probation case where fulmer was wanted by the authorities in alabama for questioning. fulmer had avoided going to the state of alabama until today(7-24-08).

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

About the Author, Continued

I really got some great questions today. Let's get right to it.

1. Who do you think would win in a no holds barred cage match between Steve Taneyhill and Kimbo Slice? Anyone who can beat Clemson in Death Valley would have no trouble whipping Kimbo's ass.

2. Do you know more about football than soonerpanic? Nobody does.

3. Can you start a photo gallery? This question isn't about me, so I will not answer it. But I think I probably can, and I'll look into it.

4. Why do you suck so bad?Also, have you always been a turkey or is this a recent development?Thank you. A two-parter, and a good one at that. Suck is, of course, subjective. In your case, I think you probably feel that way about me, b/c you are a South Carolina fan, and the fact that I am a Clemson fan gives you an inferiority complex. That is natural and understandable. As for the second part of your question, the answer is I have always been a big turkey.

5. When am I going to get out of jail? Bu$hleaguer. What are you in for?

6. Three Questions:
1. What are your predictions for clemson and usc season? Clemson will go 11-1 and win the ACC Championship. South Carolina will go 6-6, and get a bowl bid b/c they added 2 more extra bowls this year.
2. How much time to you spend on your computer everyday? I would say, on average, I spend 8-10 hours a day on my computer.
3. Which is Dorkier, Star Wars or Lord of the Rings? I've never seen any of the Lord of the Rings movies, so I will definitely say Lord of the Rings.
4. On a scale of 1-10 how gay are you? 6 being the gayest. 3

7. Name your 5 favorite college teams and 5 least favorite college teams. Tell a funny joke.

5 Favorite: Clemson, Georgia, Auburn, Oklahoma, NC State
5 Least Favorite: South Carolina, Notre Dame, Texas, UNC, Virginia

Funny Joke: The South Carolina Gamecocks

8. Is it true that you outed yourself as hot soup when you started this blog, as the original "authors" name was hot soup instead of #7? No

9. Hey clemson blogfag why are you so freaking gay and obviusly take it up the pecker at least 11 times a day. and yes that "11" is on purpose, becuase that is how many games SOS is going to lead us to victory this season!!!! Great question, anonymous. I

10. Who is the best QB to ever play at Tater U and why?Rodney WilliamsCharlie WhithurstWoodrow DantzlerHomer Jordan? Charlie Whitehurst - He is the only one to beat the Gamecocks 4 years in a row.

11. If Clemson fails, who's the next coach? Dan Marino

Where has Spurrier stumbled? How would you fix it? He has stumbled the same way Lou did: trying to create a quick fix by taking anyone with talent, regardless of character. There is no way to fix it. Ever.

Danny Ford's favorite drink, be specific. I know the answer. Miller Lite

12. Would you rather see Clemson win a national title or spend an entire year at the playboy mansion with all playmates at your disposal?If you actually choose nat'l title will that affect your gayness scale rating? It depends on who we beat in the championship game.

For those of you who don't know, the ESPN College Football Encyclopedia is the single greatest reference book ever written. Every team is profiled in detail by a chosen sportswriter. Not surprisingly, the writer chosen to profile the Gamecocks, Geoffrey Norman, is a complete idiot. To give you an idea the depth to which South Carolina fans will stoop, here is a quote from his profile in the ESPN College Football Encyclopedia: "Unlike many other states, in South Carolina, the aggie school receives favorable political treatment and, thus, has a decided advantage in football." I don't know if I've ever seen such excusatory paranoia in my life, but if I have I can't remember it. Think about what this guy just said. He is claiming that the flagship state school is at a political disadvantage. Now for some real fun, just watch and see how many gamecock fans defend his statement. While we're waiting for that, let's visit some quality MOAG.

On the team's constant legal issues:

- what happen to the good old days when the cops just confiscated or dumped the beer out and sent you home? thats what happened to me a few times in high school. Lawyers ended that tradition. Suppose they let a kid go and if he gets in an accident, some scumbag lawyer will sue everyone they can possibly get a dollar from.

On losing a recruit to Clemson, and later finding a picture of him holding 20 Gs:

- I have sent an email and picture of Mr Paige holding the money to the NCAA representative as well. I think the more this is brought up to the NCAA, they will have no other choice than to look into this.We know that Clemson is dirty, this is a chance to possibly show not only the NCAA but the nation that Clemson is still up to their old tricks and this sort of behavior will not be tolerated. Maybe the media will follow up on this as well. I guess I have some more emails to send out..I mean one of the media outlets has to put something in their wraps about goes.

- I tried to tell you folks that Klampscum was up to their old tricks again but none of you would listen. My statement was that they didn't sign a class like the one they just got even when they were previously caught cheating. Make some noise and keep it up or this will not be investigated. Remember that BillyBobElroyDufus and the Klanscum "compliance" officer worked for the NCAA before landing at Clumpscum. Those two were able to get a player eligible that did not have the grades. Also,Tammy's brother admitted that he knew who the bag man was at Auburn and guess who one of the assistant coaches was? None other than Tammy himself. If Terry knew, lill brother also knew and ignored it. I believe it is called "plausable deniability"! I have been hearing this crap here in Florida for months!

- Just to kinda clue YOU in , Page won't be the ONLY name you hear when this is over !!!!!!!!

On a true freshman, virtually unknown quarterback recruit:

- what do you think about Aramis Hillary out of Strom Thurmond High School in Johnston, SC getting into the action over the summer in hopes of becoming the starting quarterback? He is very athletic, fast, and good with the ball in his hands. Spurrier really praises him. I went to high school with him and he and his family really love football. He even gets good grades and stays out of trouble. He was rated the #14 top dual threat quarterback in the nation in 2008 by Is this the quarterback that is needed to run Spurrier's Cock-N-Fire/Fun-N-Gun (with a running quarterback) Offense? I think with him controlling the offense, the Gamecocks can be unstoppable!

On when Spurrier will win his first SEC Championship:

- SOS gets his this year

- I think we are close in football. Perhaps this year or next.

- I say that we shock the NCAA and that both SOS and DH win the SEC next year, right after Tanner wins the SEC and NC this year. Look at UGA's run in the SEC BB Tourney this year - we will be better coached, have better talent, and lose less talent to graduation, so it is definitely possible.
The amazing thing is that it is actually quite possible! Let's all be positive and supportive - Go Cocks!

On the '08 Georgia game:

- My thoughts are the same as every year , we'll beat ya into a COMA !!

- uga will go down 24-13. You may be loaded, but you fire too many blanks usually when you come to cola town no matter how much talent you have.

*editor's note: Georgia has lost twice in Columbia since S. Carolina joined the SEC. They have won 6 times

- We win because our D will be better than theirs. Hell, their defense couldn't stop our anemic offense last year.

- I'm expecting something to the tune of a 20-17 win.

- When the Dawgs come to Columbia, it is an electrically charged atmosphere because they have come to play THE GAMECOCKS.

- UGA fans should respect the fact that SS has enjoyed great success against their Dawgs.

- People like to talk about us underachieving. But IMO UGA has underachieved more than anyone in the league.

On not being ranked in one pre-season top 25 poll:

- some suprises (to me anyway) all over this top 25. UT even in top 25 let alone #15 with Anige gone? Ohio St# 2? Illinios at 14 and Clemmons, master of the choke at #9 and look at all of the SEC teams there, UF, UGA, LSU, AUBURN??,UT, and we all knew Saban the Saint would get in. not any love thrown our way either. I don't get it.

- We would beat #1(West Virginia), #7(Missouri), #9(Clemson), and everyone ranked #10 or below.

On their '08 defense:

- We all know that defense wins championships and I am excited about ours. If our QBs put up stats like 12 for 18 and 173 yards. We put up 130-175 yards rushing and score 17-24 points (some defensive TDs as a bonus)on all our tougher teams, I think we will be all right. I cant wait for the 'Pack.

About The Author

Folks, I'm very pleased with the response to new blog this week. I'm sure by now there are a lot of questions you want to ask me, so I thought today I might open up the forum for a little Q&A. No question is off limits. I will answer them to the best of my ability. If you'll leave your questions in the comments section of this entry, I will answer them in a new blog later this evening. The evening blog will feature a lot of sweet, sweet MOAG too.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Navy Game

Blog Fans, this year is the 24th anniversary of the Navy game. For those of you too young to remember that, let me bring you up to speed. In 1984, your South Carolina Gamecocks did the unthinkable. They started the season 9-0. 9 and 0! It was the best season in your oft-mocked program's history. After running out to such an incredible record, all they had to do was beat a 3-5-1 Navy squad to claim the program's first ever #1 national ranking. #1 Ranked Nebraska had already lost to Oklahoma. The Gamecocks were #2, facing Navy, and poised to grab the top spot and a likely trip to the National Championship game. That long wait was finally over, right? Wrong. Not only did the Cocks lose to a poor Navy team with a national title on the line, they got, as I like to say, taken behind the woodshed. 38-21 was the final score. It was the program's first opportunity ever to play for a national title, which it so dearly coveted on the heels of Clemson's untainted 1981 title, and they blew Navy. So let's look at some stupid stuff Gamecock fans say.

On the upcoming season:

- I keep seeing all of these predictions for this season. Now I do agree that 8-9 wins is probable this year and a few bounces our way and a "big maybe" of 10 wins. I will go with the big maybe in my prediction. But what I don't understand is why all of the low point totals for our offense in all of these games. Is no one considering the fact of how great our defense will be which will give us great field position. The defense will create turnovers and score points as well. And what about special teams. Does no one on here think our special teams will be the most improved in the country?? Here are my score totals for the season.
NC State: WIN 34 - 13
Vanderbilt: WIN 31 - 20
Georgia: WIN 31 - 30
Wofford: WIN 41 - 7
UAB: WIN 48 - 10
Mississippi: WIN 27 - 10
Kentucky: WIN 34 - 17
LSU: WIN 24 - 21
Tennessee: LOSS 23 - 17
Arkansas: WIN 30 - 20
Florida: LOSS 41 - 31
Clemson: WIN 34 - 31

- I see us losing to Georgia and Florida going into the Clemson game 9-2. I see Clemson losing at least one to Alabama or Florida State, maybe both, being either 9-2 or 10-1 going into the last game. If we stay healthy, I like our chances for something special...I could also see us losing to LSU and Tennessee, too, if we have any critical injuries...

- 9 wins total including uga, clemson & bowl. I would call this a great season even if we do not make it to Atlanta. However our goal should ALWAYS be the SEC championship game.

- 14-0! I start out every year with this expectation. I dont know about ya'll but I never played in any game on any level where I didnt think we could win.

On Clemson's chances at an ACC title this year:

- NO way Clemson wins an ACC championship! No Fing way!

- I think they will lose 3 acc games and 2 SEC games. My sympathy to the choir.

- I think they lose to Bama, @Wake, @BC, @FSU and USC.

- Cullen Harper hasn't done anything impressive against a I-A team with a winning record. I say 3 losses is a best case scenario for them.

- Strength of schedule does factor into the equation. The other nine teams in the top ten would have to have two loses and Clemmons have to be undefeated for them to go to the national championship game!

On Tennessee(MUST READ!!):

- I really think we're going to be better than Tennessee in every phase of the game this time around. We outplayed them the last two years but managed to steal defeat from the jaws of victory.

- There's no excuse to lose this game this year.

- I think we take them behind the woodshed:)

- This is a game we should be winning every year. I hate UT!!! Football,basketball whatever. It was just another game we let get by us last year. They seem to do that to us every year. We are in it, but cant put the dagger where it needs to go(right through their orange hearts.)

- Gut feeling....this is the year we begin an annual domination of the other orange. Gamecocks by two touchdowns!!!!!!!

- I think we win by a decent margin. We should have dominated last year. We were the better team, we just made one too many mistakes. Hopefully the oline will play well, if they can, we win by at least two touchdowns.

- I think we win by at least Two td's and a fg.

- I say this game may be similar to missippi state last year with probably a similar score.

- My take is this; last season, only in my opion, Carolina only lost to Florida and Arkansas, the other games were given away. LSU was due to a serious injury to Mr. Brinkley. I am a die hard fan and pertaining to this UT game; Game Cocks with a win. I can't give you a score, but I'm sure it will be convincing enough for people to say we're on the move. As far as some of you say they will not have many impact players, again, I say Carolina gave that game away. So it doesn't matter who is on the field for ut, CAROLINA WILL WIN!!! This team has compotent players who WILL produce victories this year. I see a very impressive Wins number. Go Game Cocks!!!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Countdown To Kickoff

Folks, football season is almost here. Freshmen are reporting to campus, teams are hitting the field, and gamecock fans are saying hilarious stuff. The closer we get to kickoff, the more delusional they become. A South Carolina football game is the sports equivelant of a .38 Special concert. Sure there may be a couple solid hits here and there, but it's mostly a parade of sloppy play and black denim. So what is it that gives them such lofty, unreasonable expectations? Maybe one day we'll understand this psyche better, but for now we might as well have some fun with it.

On Georgia:

- If you look at Spurrier's record at USC in his first three seasons:Spurrier's Gamecocks have a better record in the SEC East than Richt's Dawgs have.

- I can't believe so many of you people are buying the hype they're selling in Assens. They couldn't win their own DIVISION of the conference in large part...because WE BEAT THEM. The main changes will be that we won't have Blake or Cory. Maybe, just maybe...we won't drop a lick in either of those losses. Otherwise, it's the same offense for us that won last year and I have a very strong suspicion that our defense will be much improved. If you guys really think we'll lose then that's your choice.

On this blog:

- you are a complete idiot and have no social life. clemtech does do that to you since you picked a school with absolutely nothing to do. i didnt read it i just looked at how much you typed and now have increased my thoughts of idiocracy clemson people have. and just the fact that you spent time looking for those is plain sad. get a life man

- You really need to tell your mom to let you out of the basement once in a while. So that you can go play in traffic and do us all a favor.

- Ur a moron. Maybe we should start a separte one devoted to stupid clemson fans who think it is acceptable for a football player to beat his gf. I know your just goin to delete this comment because, after all it has some sort of intelegence in it but atleast i tried.

- It apparent that you arent bright enough to actually use a blog to write about material subjects that come from your mind so you have to find another source. Here is an idea, since u go to clemson you could start a blog describing the mateing patern of cows and sheep depending on their die. That is what you study at clemson right?

- Seems to me that YOU are the delusional one. And pathetic too for making this garbage blog. What a complete waste of time. Have fun with this utter, complete piece of garbage you call a blog. What a complete joke.

On the Columbia P.D.:

- I know for a fact that these cops[arresting our players] are Clemson fans. They will stop at nothing to try and ruin our program.

- How pathetic is it that they have nothing better to do than wait outside the bars in 5 Points to arrest our players for drinking and fighting?

On Their own Predictions:

- I think most Gamecock fans are usually a little too conservative in their predictions.

More On The Upcoming Season:

- 6-6 this year.... NO WAY! 8 wins minimal!! I say 9-3 or 10-2.

- 14-0 best case. 0-12 worst case. I think 10-3 or 12-2.

- We go 10-2 we win all close games this year.

- UAB, Wofford, NC St, Kentucky, Ole Miss, Vandy, and Arkansas are all pretty much locks for wins. That means 7-5 is the ABSOLUTE worst case. However, I think we get wins from Clemsux, Tennessee, and LSU with the possibility of beating Georgia (beat them last year at their place) and Florida (Spurrier seems to play them well). Realistically, I think 10-2 with a date in Atlanta. Our defense will be just that good.

- If we don't get severly banged up on defense and can play all year with most of our starters then 9-3 should be the minimum.

- Clemson and Tenn. are the easiest of the 5 "tough games". I'm counting both wins for the Gamecocks.

Weekend Wrap-up

Today I'm going to try and ease everyone into this thing. S. Carolina fans say a lot of awesome stuff about their football team every day. Much of it is captured on the internet. My goal is to find it, judge it, and then present it to you, hopefully in a humorous manner. This is a rivalry, folks. If I wasn't doing my part to engender more bad will, I'd be letting myself, my school, and my wife down. So if you like to laugh, or have friends who like to laugh, tell them about this place. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to post them. I will answer every one I can to the best of my ability. So without further ado, I present you today's best.

On the upcoming season:

- As always the UGA Game will be key. I think we will beat them. The only game that will be really tough will be UF.

- We're probably looking at 9-3 in the regular season. It's well in the realm of possibility to go 6-2 in the SEC if all our cards go right.

- my expectations are winning the east. I don't expect anything less.

- If we play decent ball should go 9-3.

- i do feel we will be as good as any team in the east...

- This year our D is the cream of the SEC

- This is the year the big three in the SEC East becomes UF, UGA and USC.

- yes its a known fact that if we get good line play on both sides of the ball we can win the SEC.

- Things will change for next year when we finish 10-2 this year.

- My crystal ball shows us in the Sugar in a rematch with Mizzu.

editor's note: an anonymous fan, after reading the above 10-2 prediction, said, "There is absolutely no logical reason for Carolina fans to think they will go 10-2. 8-4 is a stretch and that would be a great season for them. There are 3 games on your schedule that are certain Ws, and that is Wofford, UAB, and Kentucky. After that there are 4 toss ups and 5 losses." This was the response.

- Your argument that South Carolina wont be good is contary possibilities that are wrongly presented as though they were exclusive. You cant measure a programs heart and determination for the up coming year. saying it wont happen, it cant happen, If Boise stated can run the tables and kick Ok arse in a BCS bowl then I think South Carolina has a reason to believe they can glorious year. Theres a reason why no matter what critics say the game still must be played!!!!

On Tennessee:

- UT is gradually turning into the FSU of the SEC.

On last year's loss to Vandy(I swear to god this is real):

- How many teams overcome 5 sacks, three int's, poor routes, bad blocking, poor field position three fumbles and only lose by 11 to a team that took UGA to the last second?

On a list of toughest places to play that didn't include Williams-Brice stadium:

- The folks that did this obviously never went to a game at Carolina before.. I have been to nearly all the SEC and most ACC stadiums and nothing compares to WB on a saturday night in the fall.

On Spurrier's future as head coach:

- I say Spurrier is here at least 10 more years. Look at Joe Pa and Pappa Pastor Bowden, shoot, SOS is a young dude!

- I agree and I think people read WAYYYYY too much into stuff the media promotes about this.

On the rivalry w/ Clemson:

- if we're going to compare overall records it should be from about 1970 forward. I think this is about the time college football became really huge and it was also the beginning of my life so it's all I remember.

- we would probably go 12 - 0 if we played their sorry schedule.

- Bowdung was so intimidated by Lou it was comical. And with Bowdungs long history of low self esteem, his only difference is to say thinks that makes himself look better.

- CowTech should have a good record by the time we play them. My highschool would probably go 50/50 vs that schedule. This year don't we we have our open date earlier and get the orange crush broken up a bit? If that happens and we are healthy, we'll beat them up in them thar hills. Except for the blowout game, under Holtz and Spurrier, the game has been decided by the physical condition/health of the 2 teams.

*editor's note: the following post is a response, from a gamecock fan, to a clemson fan who said Clemson was better than S. Carolina almost every year

- Thats a convenient comeback, but do you really believe it? Duke beat Clemson a few(4) years back but Clemson was widely known as the better team even after losing. Would SC had been better than the eventual national champions(Florida) had they made the field goal at the end of the game two years ago? There is a reason that you play 12 games per year and not 1. I wouldn't expect a Clemson fan whose team plays such a high school schedule to understand anything about wear and tear from a tough schedule.

*editor's note: asked if he was being serious, the same poster produced this gem

- Again, very convenient for you to say that, but I seriously doubt that anyone in the country thought that Duke was better than Clemson a few years ago. Use some commons sense, if that is at all possible for a Clemson fan. Another note, on years when SC has beaten better teams(UGA or Florida) and still loses to Clemson, that should tell you something.

On recruiting:

- Spurrier has one exceptional class, and three good, down to earth blue collar type kids who want to play. He is doing the exact same thing at Carolina that he did at Florida. One stone at a time to build a wall. He said 5 - 7 years and I believe him. This is a great class of hard nosed kids who in a year or so will kick a$$. Any GC fan who says different is a frickin' chicken idiot! Plus, we have last years class coming up. It's gonna get interesting in August!

- I dont beleive how a player performs in high school is any indication how he will do in college.

- Recruiting isn't nearly as important important as coaching. I'd rather let UGA have a top 5 class every year with Richt as there coach, and us finish somewhere btwn 20-30 with Spurrier as our coach. 16-12 ring a bell???!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

About Mind of a Gamecock(MOAG)

The basic purpose of this blog is to provide a place where fans of college football can congregate and make fun of South Carolina fans. To help facilitate this derision, I will post the best thoughts and quotes(with editor's notes) heard from Gamecocks fans on a daily basis. All quotes are taken directly. I won't correct spelling or grammar. My contributors and I have discussed it, and we feel doing so would undermine the service we are providing. These are all 100% real, and 100% gamecock. I will update the blog daily. There is never a shortage of the gamecock delusion we have all come to know and enjoy. The following is a sampling of what you can expect to find on this blog:

- I personally think we did compete for the SEC East last year('07) we just didn't close the deal.

- Most of Clemson's "awesome talent" isn't nearly as good as it's made out to be. Boyd and Davis were better than Spiller and Davis, but who got all the press?

- ANY game we score 28 points in, we'll win! Some of you need to take another look at our defence. The best in the SEC!!

- There is really no reason not to think this years team will be better in almost every aspect.